how it starts

it's amazing how much being sick in bed makes me want to do

even when i'm not sick
even when i'm feeling totally fine, just sleepy-- the end of the day
just when i'm about to or supposed to
fall asleep
limbs grow heavy
and numb but all i can think of are
all the things i want to do
of course it's worse when i'm sick
when i know that even if or when i get up i
definitely won't have the energy do
it all, to look the day in the face, meet it
on the horizon running
gold spilling over
the city, picking it up i splash it
in my face
life life life life life life life
all around me, and i
want it. i want it but i
can't have it

all i can do is stay in bed